The Adventures of Mysterious Hero EX
by Writing but bad
Summary: We all know how life goes for Dear old Shirou Emiya... not well. It seems like his life in the Servant Universe will be quite a bit more of the same, whether it be filled with spontaneously appearing Love interests or Villains, it doesn't seem like Shirou'll get a break.
1. Prologue

**AN: This is my first story, and it'll probably horrifyingly terrible. As you may or may not tell, this prologue is heavily or nearly blatantly ripped off of Lsilver19's story 'Demons can be heroes too'. Probably because I really liked how it went. This is merely a prologue to set up for all the craziness to come, I hope I can keep you guys interested long enough. Welp, I hope I do okay, sorry for the long AN.**

 **DISCLAIMER: This is a semi-crack fic. Mostly due to the fact that I doubt I can even come close to nailing a serious tone.**

(Fuyuki..?, 1994?)

The landscape was riddled with fire, resembling a battlefield rather than a city to be inhabited. A boy, ignoring the cries of others resolutely continues forward, alone riddled with pain. A man, desperate to be saved after being betrayed by his ideals rushes over to heal him using a sacred scabbard,.

…But it wasn't enough.

Realizing this, he soon collapsed in tears, weary of the damage taken while searching for survivors. A voice seemingly from the hole in the sky calmly chuckled,

"May you be cursed to hell, ' _Ally of justice', Kiritsugu Emiya"_

Witnessing this, the boy had one though in his mind,

"I'll live for you, too."

Hearing this statement, the messy black haired man seemed to have a look of relief on his face, before falling unconscious.

Yet again, the boy attempted to get up for survival, only to be met with the sight of an approaching mud. It was black, like the one which had caused the flames, yet at the same time, all the different. Feeling a sense of security, the boy let himself be swallowed by it.

 **XXXX**

Tiamat had been at a bit of a loss when she found herself gazing upon one of her children, one which was extremely young at that. His constitution was quite different to that of her usual children.

She immediately brought him towards herself, resting him on her lap. As it seemed, the artifact crafted by the fae wouldn't save her child, however, using the particular changes made by the artifact she decided to use an alternate method to heal him.

She had changed the boy to resemble a Magical Beast. One made of infinite swords, as if it were a weapon itself, forging itself and perfecting its' own existence.

During this process, her child had seemingly not changed appearance-wise, but instead internally. Burns and injuries were repaired with luminescent blades, as Avalon began to a permanent part of the boy's body.

After the modification, Tiamat began gazing towards her child in awe and affection. She had deemed the environment he originated from too hazardous for her child, and this place not appropriate either. As a mother to all her children, she could not help but to love them, specifically due to this, she had sent him away, so he could forge his path, and perhaps shine brighter than anyone else.

Though worried, she had decided to a small bit of herself alongside the child, in order to keep him in safety. Satisfied with what she had done, she sent him off, and slowly drifted asleep to dream once more.

 **XXXX**

As I became conscious, a thought plagued my mind,

 _"Why am I alive?"_

My heart was empty, I abandoned such a thing in order for my own survival. I do remember my promise to _'that man'_ , I recall him being a _'Hero of Justice'_ … I wonder what that is. A strong emphasis on the name **_EMIYA_ **is left upon me, however my thoughts are quickly interrupted.

 **{Hello.}** , A voice within me says.

'Erm, Hi? May I ask who you are and what you are doing… wherever you are?'

I quickly respond, confused at this… person's? presence.

 **{I am merely a sword…}**

'…I see. Do you have any idea what we're doing here', I deadpan after his vague answer.

 **{We are one in the same, most likely, we are in one's house considering the bed and furniture.}**

'You're right… Hopefully I'll find something by searching here', I respond, leaping out of bed, losing balance and slowly standing up.

My small body reaches for the doorknob, slightly leaping in order to reach it. The door opens with a creek, and I see that I'm on the second floor after looking at the staircase. Another presence makes itself known by the sound of clattering dishes. I quickly make my way downstairs, noting that I feel much stronger than before.

At the end, I'm greeted by a woman with hair, its' color is a mix of white and blue. She's wearing seemingly normal clothes comprising of a pink sweater and navy jeans alongside and apron, however, two scaly horns stand out like sore thumbs. I have no memory of anyone looking like that, however, I have no memories in the first place so I guess that isn't saying much.

"Ahhh~!",

The woman says with what I'm sure are hearts in her pink eyes. Despite the sound her melodious voice seemingly having no meaning, I am quickly able to understand that she's showering me with affection.

Before I am able to respond, she quickly pulls me into a hug. Understandably, having someone beautiful yet hardly know do something so affectionate flusters me.

{I believe saying something towards her would be very appropriate}

"H-hello."

I dumbly say before pulling away while looking to other directions, "May I ask who you are?"

"Ahhh~!"

I easily understand what she said.

"So… you're my mother?"

"Ahhhhh~"

Unfortunately, she begins to ask for information regarding myself. Unable to give a proper answer, I confess.

"I don't really remember much from before the fire, however, I'm sure my name is 'Shirou'. I know this sounds selfish, however, could I choose my last name?"

"Ahhh~?"

"To what you ask? It's… EMIYA. I'm quite sure that man tried to save me… or perhaps be saved himself. Regardless, I feel like I should honor him in some way, as I promised I were to live on for his sake too."

"…Ahhhh~!"

After a short silence, she immediately responds with affirmation, seeming quite gleeful with my actions. I'm not sure why, however, it seems I give relief to others with my statements.

Of course, I'm quite pleased with this development, but before I am able to respond, my stomach growls. As this happens, my new 'mother' makes a noise resembling a giggle, before guiding me towards the kitchen table.

What I see in front of me, however, can't be called something that came out of a normal kitchen. It has love, effort, but it quite clearly resembles an eldritch abomination. Worried, I look up towards my mother, only to be greeted with a smile rivaling that of the man I met in the fire.

'It can't possible be that bad.'

I assured myself before taking a bite, promptly falling unconscious from the shock. I'm sure my mother's worried as I can see her rushing towards me with blurry vision, but that doesn't matter anymore.

 **{It would seem it CAN be that bad.}**

It seems I'll have to take up on cooking lessons in order to ensure my survival whilst I remain in this world.

 **XXXX**

AN: Thanks for reading all the way of this prologue! I wrote this out of sudden inspiration in an hour, so it's probably trash, but hopefully you guys'll review and help me improve


	2. The Second Prologue

**AN: The reception I got on the first chapter was much better than I expected, which makes me quite happy. Looking back on the first chapter, I see many ways it could've been improved. Hopefully I can actually apply what I've learned this time around…No promises. I feel like these introductory chapters are going to be… less enjoyable. Hopefully we can get over with these and tell a story that I can enjoy writing and you guys can enjoy reading.**

* * *

Flames. Those were what the boy dreamt of. Yet, they weren't that which took lives; rather, they were used to forge something; a mere component in creating something greater than itself. Such a thing resonated deeply with the boy, yet he still woke up to face the day ahead of him.

 **XXXX**

 **{That was quite a serious intro}**

'What a rude awakening,' Shirou had thought, 'and again, what do you mean by "intro" anyways?'

 **{It's nothing}**

'This is going to be a trend, isn't it?'

 **{Hopefully not.}**

Looking around, it became obvious that he was in his own room. He sat up, observing the minimalist design of his room, feeling comforted by it.

His peace was soon interrupted by the memories of what had happened before he fell unconscious, causing him to sigh in exasperation.

Once again, he got out of his room, planning to go down stairs.

…Only to be greeted by the face of his mother smiling nervously at him right in front of his door, earning quite a few surprised blinks from him.

Shirou awkwardly fumbled around, looking towards other directions to avoid eye contact. He understood that nothing was going to change for a long time if he just stood there, so he tried to starting the conversation.

"Good morning… Mama?" In the next second, he found himself being hugged with insane force, flustered and unable to think properly.

 **{As expected of Monstrous Strength A++}**

"Ahhh~!" For the first time, his "alter ego" seemed to be making sense for once.

 **XXXX**

Shirou rested himself on the couch in the living room. It had taken minutes for Tiamat to stop gleefully hugging him after he had called her 'Mama'. He knew that she would've appreciated the new name, but couldn't help but wonder in awe at how happy she was.

To put it simply, he had expect his mother to be much less… "Human", especially after the food she cooked.

Now that he though about it, what was she doing in the kitchen?

 **{I'm sure you know what she's doing.}**

Shirou, understanding the disaster to come, dashed towards the kitchen, got the attention of his mother, and did one thing.

He looked as adorable as a child could and asked, "Can I try cooking?"

 **XXXX**

 **{I'm surprised you thought you would be any better at cooking than she was.}**

Shirou gazed at the egg he had "cooked" on a frying pan. It was completely black, and burnt. To add insult to injury, it was in the shape of a generic sword.

"Ahhh~," of course, Tiamat giggled playfully at his comical despair, and their shared qualities.

"Mama, how about we try meeting our neighbours?"

 **{Nice plan, we may be able to last out a few weeks.}**

"Ahhh," the "beast" agreed with a calm smile on her face.

"Hopefully our neighbors can cook…" Shirou sighed in relief.

 **(4 Years Later)**

It had been 4 years since Emiya Shirou found the one he would call his savior, freeing him from the hell… that was his mother's and his own cooking.

The neighbors living next doors were the Mackenzies, consisting of two members, an elderly man, Glen, and woman, Martha. Out of compassion, Martha had been teaching Shirou how to cook, giving a lesson at least once every week. He truly was grateful for all they had done for himself and his mother.

This particular day was quite special; after all, it was the first time Shirou was leaving for the place called school. The main reason was due to Tiamat's total inability to properly communicate to anyone other than Shirou.

The boy was understandably excited, and had leaped out of bed whilst changing in an instant. He had even made his own lunch, packed his own bag, and was ready for any situation.

…And yet…

He found himself being abducted by a tanned white-haired man.

"Old man, can you put me down, I've got to get to school and in the words of my alter ego 'progress the plot'."

"Shut up, I'm only 18!"

"I'm going to start shouting for help."

"W-wait, hear me out."

"One."

"Are you serious?"

"Two."

"Don't make me do this to you kid."

"Do wh-?" whatever Shirou had planned to say was abruptly cut off as everything faded to black.

"Kids these days. I need a fucking break."

 **XXXX**

Shirou practically leapt up out of the futon he was sleeping in, observing his surroundings. He seemed to be in a traditional Japanese home, in an isolated room with the door closed and curtains down.

"Seems you're awake."

"Urk," Shirou cringed as he noticed his presumed kidnapper in the corner of room, leaning towards the wall.

'Was he waiting there the whole time I was unconscious?'

{The things people do to keep a good image.}

After momentarily coughing, the tanned man's (Teen?) expression turned serious, "You can call me Archer. Let me offer you this, if you are able to keep up, I'll help you become an Ally of Justice.

To say Shirou was dumbfounded was an understatement.

"So you mean to say that you kidnapped me in broad daylight, have me miss my first ever day of school, and bring me to your home, all of that, just to go the most roundabout way of saying, 'I'll help you fulfill your ideals.'"

Archer's face shifted through a variety of emotions ranging from depression to anger. "When you put it like that, anything will sound bad."

 **{He's not wrong.}**

"Are you perhaps a… Tsundere?"

Archer shot a glare towards Shirou, "I'm not a tsundere, I'm a... Guardian"

Shirou's eyes widened as he came to a sudden revelation.

"Chuunibyou? (Middle Second Syndrome.)"

The room became dead silent, animosity growing from Archer, before being broken by a long sigh. "I'm being serious, kid."

"You must have those noble phantasm things then! Everyone worth their salt has them!" Shirou exclaimed, skeptical of the man in front of him.

The "hero" muttered two words and with it two swords, black and white, appeared out of nowhere. They were beautiful and matched one another... yet…

"They're fake, aren't they?"

The man momentarily remained stunned at the observation of the kid. For all he knew, the being "Emiya Shirou" shouldn't even be at the level of a third rate hack. "Y-yeah, they are."

"Still, these are seriously amazing! I look forward to working with you, Master!"

 **{That was a quick change in attitude.}**

Amazed at the child's sudden enthusiasm, the guardian couldn't help but sigh. Just as he was about to get down to business, he noticed an immense amount of killing intent approach his home.

 **XXXX**

"This feeling… It's my mom. Definitely my mom."

Archer visibly started to shiver uncontrollably, kneeling down to be able to bow down as soon as possible. "H-how did she find us!?"

"My Mom's really something else, y'know. I mean, she somehow knows everything I do." Shirou proudly answered absolutely oblivious to what the title truly represented.

 **{It seems that his end is nigh.}**

"Wait a second… What's your mom's name…?"

"Oh, her name's Tiamat, but don't worry, I'll leave in a good word so she doesn't brutally destroy you like she did with those bullies."

Just as Shirou set out to leave the room, the door slammed open; revealing two glowing red eyes staring down at Archer. The rest of their body was unable to be seen, but the silhouette became clearer with each heavy step the figure took.

"I hate to say this, but this is the first time I've seen her with glowing red eyes. I'll make sure to attend your funeral."

Needless to say, Archer really needed a break.

 **(Shirou's POV)**

Before Tiamat can take another step, I promptly position myself in front of her, "Wait, please hear me out?"

"Ahhh…."

"Only 10 seconds to explain myself? Ah geez."

 **{I recommend letting me take over}**

I reluctantly agree, he did seem better at calming people down.

" **{Mama, this man can help me become a hero! I fell and tripped on my way to school so he helped me at his own home!}** ", the alter ego said as he tugged his mother's sweater and looked up in mock innocence.

'I think you tried to hard in order to appeal to her.'

 **{She's too affectionate to notice.}**

As alter expected, the red in her eyes was replaced with purple stars as she began ruffling up my hair.

 **{All according to Keikaku.}**

Relieved, I decide to glance at Archer, who seems like he's about to have an internal crisis.

Before I can do anything more, Tiamat walks over to Archer, leaning in on his face. She puts her hand on her chin, supposedly appraising Archer, before grabbing him, lifting him up like a child and inspecting every part of his body. And by every part, I truly do mean every part.

After doing so, she glances at me and promptly gains a satisfied expression then puts Archer back on his feet before waving bye and leaving. "Ahhh."

"By 7, alright Mom. Bye!"

I can't help but feel pity after looking back at Archer. He's completely frozen in fear, and I can completely understand. Before I'm able to approach him, my stomach audibly growls. I come to the realization that I haven't eaten since breakfast, looking at the clock; I see that it's 2:20pm.

"So… uh… can I try making lunch?"

 **XXXX**

"It's raw."

"Where's the lamb sauce."

Any confidence I had in my cooking was shattered in a record breaking 5 seconds.

"Why the hell is this lamb in the shape of a sword!?"

The final comment wasn't much of a surprise; after all, everything I make ends up resembling a sword. Even when I try to consciously prevent it, somehow it finds a way. Acknowledging this, I just laugh awkwardly.

"Can you get me a knife?"

I quickly nod, and head into the kitchen. I open the drawers with the cutlery but fail to find any steak knives. It wasn't that big of a problem, after all…

 **(3rd person POV)**

All Archer had asked for was a knife, after all, how hard could it be for the kid.

Imagine his shock when the kid began coughing heavily, before finally a knife came out of his throat.

Slamming the table, Archer looked at the boy in shock, "How the fuck?"

"This is normal for me. If you're looking for an explanation, all I can say is, It just works."

 **{King Crimson!}**

Shirou promptly handed the supposedly clean knife to Archer, causing the latter to analyze it.

"I guess you could say, 'My body is made of swords'."

"I'm getting the impression that you're doing this to me deliberately."

"Doing what?"

"Nevermind."

Archer was sure that training the kid was probably going to be the death of him. He did seem to have many differences from what the being 'Shirou Emiya' usually is. Looking back on it, he was sure that no one would be normal after being presumably adopted by the 'Mother of All'.

Heck, this entire universe that he found himself was probably lacking in sanity.

"You said you were 18, right?"

Archer just nodded in response.

"Shouldn't you be in school?"

"It's fine… probably."

"I see, already setting yourself up for failure at such an early age."

Archer merely smirked, putting up his hair, "I've already got a job, fool."

Shirou quickly retorted, **"{Jobs at the convenience store don't count.}"**

"I'm working for Chaldea Security Organization." Archer confidently said, adopting a smug look.

"You're really amazing, huh." There was only sincerity in Shirou's voice, "Well, I have high expectations for what you're going to teach me, Master!"

The earnest sincerity in Shirou's voice felt very endearing to Archer, he warmly smiled, before promptly remembering the amount of trouble he had been caused by them in the past hour; his smile slowly turned into one of malicious intent, and he grimly chuckled. "Yeah… Sure."

It seem like he would get something out of training the kid after all.

 **XXXX**

"Well then, let's get down to business," Archer said neutrally, before getting up and dragging a whiteboard from the next room.

Shirou intently paid attention to the incoming lecture, expecting a lot off assistance from his alter ego.

 **{I got it, you probably wouldn't understand no matter how hard you tried.}**

Archer quickly adopted a lecture pose, "Before you start doing any "Hero" related stuff, you have to make sure that you're aware of the many powers which have some presence in this city and the world in general. Things you need to be most careful about are the more localized powers which have connections to a larger organization, such as Chaldea and the Church."

 **{Let's just skip this lecture and let me explain it in easily understandable manner for the readers.}**

'What readers?'

 **{Anyways, here we go.}**

'So I'm just being ignored , huh?'

 **{The biggest factions include Babylon, The Servants Association, and Holy Church. Babylon hardly does anything other than cause trouble, The servant association has some control of Chaldea and are only interested with being elitists, and the Holy church does church things. Then there's the neutral party, the universal Police Force.}**

'What are church things like?'

 **{They're basically playing real-life CastleVania.}**

'I don't know what that is but okay...'

"Ahem," Archer coughed into his hands to get the attention of his 'student', "So, simply put, they won't mind unless you become a terrible person or go against them."

"Quick question, Chaldea is under the Servants Association, so doesn't that mean that you work for the Servants' association?" Shirou asked innocently.

Archer smirked once again, "We ignore them most of the time, and we only really operate during emergencies."

 **{...}**

Shirou stared his master with a disappointed look, "Are you sure that's the right thing to do?"

"You'll probably learn about their nature in future, first-hand," Archer continued on, dismissing the question, "Well then, lets start with your training."

 **XXXX**

'Trace on, Huh.'

Shirou glanced at the moon above him as he made his way home.

 **{It does seem that it will become very useful in the future.}**

'Archer did seem quite surprised with the results I had produced, didn't he?'

 **{Those two gray Falchions, one with green lines resembling Circuits and the other with red hexagons, huh.}**

'I never do get anything right... huh.'

 **{You sure don't, but I guess that's why I'm here.}**

The redhead warmly smiled, optimistically heading back home, hoping that Tiamat didn't make something too extreme for today.

 **{On a side note, Didn't you end up missing your first day at school?}**

Soon, a new urban legend formed, describing a humanoid creature made of swords screaming about school under the full moon

* * *

 **AN: I don't really like this chapter; it's more of a second prologue I guess. Please leave reviews so I can see how you guys felt about it, thanks. Hopefully I'll be able to get the next chapter out sooner. If you notice any mistakes, please feel free to correct me, thanks!**


End file.
